Relax and let go.

Every Chinese New Year it kinda feels like a game of Mario Kart - first I'm cruisin' on, in the lead and errthang, then suddenly I fall off the cliff or circuit and I'm drowning lmao. 

So right now I'm experiencing the stressful period after I return from Malaysia and have a shit ton of responsibilities and assignments because apparently I'm treated like a child but supposed to function like an adult ;v; 

I guess I'm somewhat on track now, but goddamn it I just need to survive this week. And the next. And life, basically. 

I know it's unhealthy to say 'I'll be xxx after this' or 'I'll do xxx after that' but I'll say it anyway. I hope that by the end of this year, I'll somehow find a life that isn't about needing to escape my life. /stares at As/ 

I know it'll all pass by quickly. I know that. I know all that, and that's why I know nothing. 

Excerpt from my diary circa 2014 when I was slugging through Os and apparently 16 year old me thought it was the worst time of my life - 

'Recently school has really been stressing me out. It's not just the exams, but the people and teachers at school are just giving me tons of anxiety... /insert other angst/ I don't know. I just don't know anymore. /more angst/ I haven't had a good break at all since MYE. So horrible ;-; '

And looking back, J2 me now is like 'Honey, you got a big storm comingggg', but I'm sure if my uni self, or maybe even myself when I've become a wife, or a mother, looks back on this, she'll be like 'lmao that JC stuff was hella unimportant and not so worth it stressing about.'

And I guess it's kinda true. One bad grade/ one bad impression/ one bad whatever can't really hurt me in time to come. Actually nothing hurts if you don't let it, right?

Amidst this academic frenzy, I'm still recovering from the pain and sometimes I don't know what's what. But I know that I'm getting somewhere. I'm trying to get somewhere, that is.

Oh well, what's the use of worrying anyway. I'll just be me. And everything will eventually fall into place. If it doesn't 'fall into place', then I'm pretty sure it has just fallen into some other place that doesn't belong to me.

I relax, I let go. 

My life is in perfect flow.